Future

 AF Came January 15th. I was sad and upset, especially when I learned that James ex-aunt's daughter is expecting her 2nd child. She's very very young and I felt so bitter. BUT.... i'm done being bitter.

 I was watching TV last night and the first thing GOD lead me to was a documentary called "The Secret"
and it reminded me of a LOT of scriptures I've read in the bible where if you TRULY Believe 100% that GOD can and WILL do something in your life, then ANYTHING is possible. The problem is I have trouble letting go of doubt.

 I've suffered so much disappointment in life that it's really hard for me to not be a cynic.
I've had so many situations where outwardly it looked like it was going to work out great, then for some reason it would always fall apart, over time these situations made me cynical. This thing changed my outlook though. Yes I had read the SAME thing in the bible, but this just brought it out in such an amazing way that it really changed my outlook. Today James and I put "The Secret" to the test. In case you are wondering "The Secret" is the "Laws of Attraction."

 We went grocery shopping and to test out "The Secret" I decided to focus on wanting to find a GREAT deal. Something I had never noticed before, something super cheap that I would find useful. So we went to Wal-mart and we were getting a prescription filled and I glanced and noticed a rack of small bottles of vitamins (15 count) and they were only 88 cents! for $1.76 I could have a MONTHS supply of prenatal vitamins, B Complex Vitamins. It was amazing! Even if this was a coincidence the happiness I felt today, the weight that had been lifted by just believing my day was going to be great, was worth it!

 The second Documentary I watched was called "Life in A Day". YouTube partnered with National Geographic had people from 192 countries film there daily lives and send in the videos. The thing about it was that EVERY video was recorded on July 24th, 2010, so it Chronicles life as it happened on that day. There were a wide range of people, from poverty stricken villages doing back breaking work, to a woman who is trying to console her 7 year old son because she has cancer for the 2nd time, to a rich man getting in his Lamborghini and taking it for spin. There was a GAY man coming out to his grandma, A woman getting her BFP, and Babies being born. There was ONE video clip and it had such a impact on me that I don't think i'll EVER forget it.

 It was of a elderly Australian man in a hospital bed. At first he began talking with a smile on his face about how he had finally had a bowel movement and he was so happy because it had been a while since he had. He looked as though he was clinging to life. It turned sad because he got so emotional, as he talked about how thankful he was for the medical care he was receiving and how well the nurses and staff were treating him.
He looked Lonely and scared, like no one had treated him decently in a long time. It just broke my heart in a million pieces and I immediately felt thankful for what I had that he did not.

  I wish I knew what became of him, it was maybe 4 minutes out of a film that was 1 hour and a half, but it just had such a deep impact on me.

I am thankful because I can keep trying. I am not horribly sick and neither is any of my loved ones, I am not homeless, and I'm so thankful. GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH!


 We did go to the Doctor! but i'll update you on that the next time. James wants me to help him move furniture lol