Bust

Well, AF came December 13th. Not sure what else to say.

I changed my Facebook profile to the new timeline, and got access to my old status updates from years ago. One was from July 31st, 2009. It read:

"It's Friday...Also know as Test Day...I'm nervous, I'm scared (of a negative) but we're gonna do it this afternoon...so...we'll see! *crosses fingers* Please god, please god, please god ....."

It almost made me cry. To think I wrote that then, and here I sit now. No better off or closer then I was then. It makes me sick and bitter and angry all at the same time.

All I prayed for is to get pregnant before October 29th. So I wouldn't have to go to the wedding and see DH cousin. Not only did I have to Go, but I was the only bridesmaid out of 4 that was not pregnant.

Then I prayed..."Just please let me get Pregnant before January, before DH cousin has her baby"

No Dice. Now all I want is to not have to spend another Mother's Day with no child. But I probably won't get that either. I've been trying longer then ANYONE I know. Pregnant or not.

I'm going to try this month, but I think next month I'll take a break. Maybe...I always want to stop, but always somehow find GOD whispering "Try one more time"...

Update (Long)

I am so very sorry it has been over a month since I last updated. I had to go to that Wedding, Thanksgiving and a here I am with some updates!

Okay so I made it through James' Cousin's wedding! It was hard, I was the only one out of 4 bridesmaids that wasn't pregnant. One of them made it known she didn't really want to be pregnant, she complained a lot, which disgusted me, and she was smoking while pregnant....which I don't like. But hey who am I to judge right? Only a insanely jealous infertile women. Important thing is, I got through it and didn't cry (In front of anyone). Thanksgiving went well, except that I did not get to announce a pregnancy. AF came November 17th.

I was extremely upset by this, I had put so much faith into that cycle, more then I ever had before. I even thought GOD himself had told me that it was my cycle. I felt heartbroken and hopeless when AF came and it took me days to get over it. I was angry at GOD. I couldn't understand why he was doing this to me. Making me watch everyone around me be pregnant. Making me beg when others can just accidentally get pregnant when they don't even want to. But I worked through it, I prayed, talked to GOD, read scripture and I didn't let Satan win over me.

When I start November 17th, my LP was still 10 days, meaning the dose of B6 I was taking wasn't enough. Which also upset me pretty bad. One of my wonderful friends on Sweet Baby Bump got her BFP and sent me what she didn't use of her FertilAid, FertileCM, OPK's, HPTS, and Fertilitea as well as a complete one a day multivitamin.

I am pleased to announce that by taking these things plus doubling my dose of B-6 it seems to be working! I O'd 4 days sooner then I usually do! I O'd on CD 14 and I am now on 2 DPO!

If I am pregnant I would find out around December 15th, which was my Mom's Due Date when she was pregnant with me. How awesome is that huh?

I am praying that with a Longer LP this month and better CM, that this will be our month and we can get a Christmas BFP. I will keep you posted for sure!