Well AF Came, October 20th which put my LP at 10 days. Not good. Luckily a very sweet girl sent my a couple of bottles of Vitamin B-6 so I hope it helps to lengthen my LP. James and I Both have a good feeling about November! I would love to be able to announce that I was pregnant for thanksgiving!
I was very sad the day AF came, I think I cried all day. It was hard. I'm a little anxious that something is wrong with me. I pray so hard that there isn't and if there is that GOD himself heal me. But I just don't know.
CD6 and on to O!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Heartache
At the beginning of this cycle I felt so alive, so hopeful and peaceful. I can now honestly say, that I HATE the TWW. It will take my happy, hopefulness and turns it into anxiousness, fear and doubt. I know that's how Satan works, and I try so hard to Pray, and keep good thoughts and not lean on my own understanding, but it gets so very hard.
I have been having a hard time the past few days keeping my head up and not obsessing, I try to play video games so I don't think of the pain, the longing and fear, but the moment I'm no longer emerged in a digital world, the real world starts crashing down around me.
Last night, while making dinner, I was just standing there chopping up some green bell pepper and thinking about how badly I want to be pregnant, how badly I want a baby and to be a mother, and I just burst into tears and had to sit down for a minute.
James' Birthday is October 23rd, the day after Fertility Friend predicts AF will come. Which means I will be on CD 2 on his birthday and I'll be cramping and miserable! A week and a few days later is My 27th Birthday on November 3rd, which is when the season premiere of BONES comes on, James' loves that show and will no doubt be watching it, In the show she's pregnant and her best friend just had a baby. Oh. . . JOY.
And the cherry on top of my "FREAK OUT" cake. I still have the wedding of James' Cousin to go to on October 29th. Where his other cousin is VERY pregnant and showing like crazy! and I just know that one of the girls from church is going to be there and her I cannot deal with. I can deal with James' Cousin, because it took her about 3 and a half years to get pregnant and they actually tried hard and she's been through a lot so she deserves it, but this girl DOES NOT deserve it, she only got pregnant because she had a super short fling with some random dude.
I know I sound super judgmental, not christian at all, but it's the jealousy coming out in me, because I just saw her post a picture of her baby bump on Facebook and to see her say "I can't wait to see what I'm having!" Just kills me inside. I keep thinking "That should be me!!! NOT YOU!!!" it's like the more I think of it, the more angry I feel.
I just feel so miserable right now and I know it's exactly what Satan wants. But temptation and doing things that "aren't" christian isn't keeping anyone else from getting pregnant *Glares at Girl from Church*
Our church puts on a hot dog roast every year right before Halloween, James and I have attended every year. The first 3 years we were there, there was a pregnant woman there EVERY TIME and i'd be so jealous and I'd say to myself "Next time I come to one of these, I'll be pregnant" I said every time. Last year we went nobody was pregnant, including me. This year, the hot dog roast is this Wednesday the 19th of October, when I will either have AF, be a couple of days from AF, be 10 DPO or 3wks and 6 days Pregnant.
GOD help me please.
I have been having a hard time the past few days keeping my head up and not obsessing, I try to play video games so I don't think of the pain, the longing and fear, but the moment I'm no longer emerged in a digital world, the real world starts crashing down around me.
Last night, while making dinner, I was just standing there chopping up some green bell pepper and thinking about how badly I want to be pregnant, how badly I want a baby and to be a mother, and I just burst into tears and had to sit down for a minute.
James' Birthday is October 23rd, the day after Fertility Friend predicts AF will come. Which means I will be on CD 2 on his birthday and I'll be cramping and miserable! A week and a few days later is My 27th Birthday on November 3rd, which is when the season premiere of BONES comes on, James' loves that show and will no doubt be watching it, In the show she's pregnant and her best friend just had a baby. Oh. . . JOY.
And the cherry on top of my "FREAK OUT" cake. I still have the wedding of James' Cousin to go to on October 29th. Where his other cousin is VERY pregnant and showing like crazy! and I just know that one of the girls from church is going to be there and her I cannot deal with. I can deal with James' Cousin, because it took her about 3 and a half years to get pregnant and they actually tried hard and she's been through a lot so she deserves it, but this girl DOES NOT deserve it, she only got pregnant because she had a super short fling with some random dude.
I know I sound super judgmental, not christian at all, but it's the jealousy coming out in me, because I just saw her post a picture of her baby bump on Facebook and to see her say "I can't wait to see what I'm having!" Just kills me inside. I keep thinking "That should be me!!! NOT YOU!!!" it's like the more I think of it, the more angry I feel.
I just feel so miserable right now and I know it's exactly what Satan wants. But temptation and doing things that "aren't" christian isn't keeping anyone else from getting pregnant *Glares at Girl from Church*
Our church puts on a hot dog roast every year right before Halloween, James and I have attended every year. The first 3 years we were there, there was a pregnant woman there EVERY TIME and i'd be so jealous and I'd say to myself "Next time I come to one of these, I'll be pregnant" I said every time. Last year we went nobody was pregnant, including me. This year, the hot dog roast is this Wednesday the 19th of October, when I will either have AF, be a couple of days from AF, be 10 DPO or 3wks and 6 days Pregnant.
GOD help me please.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Wait Is On
So I am 3 DPO today. I had a 3 day LH Surge on CD 17, 18 and 19. Fertility Friend has put CD 19 as the Day I O'd So that's what I'm going by. I'm really trying not to think about it. But Fertility Friend has also put my estimated day of AF to be the day before James' Birthday. I keep thinking, I don't want to be Sad, Disappointed and Crampy on his Birthday.
I want to give him a BFP on his birthday so very badly. But I can't let myself think about it, or else I'll start obsessing and then that feeling like If I don't get it I'll die will come back. I pray right now that GOD would help me through this.
I want to give him a BFP on his birthday so very badly. But I can't let myself think about it, or else I'll start obsessing and then that feeling like If I don't get it I'll die will come back. I pray right now that GOD would help me through this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
