It's Not Funny

 I just have to vent because I'm so very annoyed right now and i'm trying to get things done and I can't do them if i can't move passed this. James told me that it's a good thing I didn't have one of the girls from our church on my facebook anymore. My exact reply in the most annoyed tone I could muster was;  "why? Is she pregnant again!?" in my head I was thinking "she better not be pregnant again". Before I tell you the outcome, let me explain why I was so annoyed at this prospect.

 First of all I've written about this girl before, in my blog.  you'll recognize the story. We'll call her Becky for the sake of this story. I don't like using their real names. So Becky got pregnant with her 1st when my husband and I had been trying for a few months. I had to watch her be pregnant, and it was made worse by the fact that she's the pastor's granddaughter and they talked about it a lot. Which her daughter whom I will call Anna was born, they paraded her around and it was all up in my face all the time. It was so bad I had to rush out of the church many times to cry from the pain.

 Now this is going to sound horrible of me, but I don't think that Becky is a very good mother. First of all Anna's grandmother or great-grandmother always had her more then her own mother did, and not because her mother was busy working. Just because. Usually every time I noticed it, she would be outside talking to someone or flirting with somebody. Even when anyone with a brain could tell that Anna's great-grandmother had her hands full with her, Becky would not get up to take her own daughter from her for nothing and It always annoyed me.

 So last year, I read on her Facebook that she "guessed she was pregnant again" I was angry, and annoyed and I told James "why!? she doesn't take care of the one she has!!" and I knew that would be the end of me going to that church. I couldn't go and watch her be pregnant again, knowing what I knew, watching her flirt with people and ignore her daughter and I knew I would be completely distracted from GOD.

 So we made plans to stop attending church after Christmas last year, but before we did we helped our church fix our annual parade float. Little Anna had wondered off into the social hall, because of course her mother was behind the church flirting, laughing and kissing some guy and wasn't paying the least bit of attention to her. My mother-in-law and I were in the social hall, as was the pastor. He even made a remark that Anna had found her way in there and nobody even cared to come look for her.

 That was it for me, I haven't been to church since. My husband and I had planned to start attending church now that Becky had her son in July. I was going to suck it up and go. But that was before Baby Boom 2011 started. When another one of the pastor's granddaughters announced she was pregnant and James' ex-girlfriend who also goes to our church bubbly announced she was pregnant AND James' cousin goes and she's pregnant and I could not handle all the Prengnant-ness coming off that church.

 Emotionally I'm just not strong enough to go and deal with that, so I will continue to do church at home. But now that you know all about Becky. Here is why I'm so annoyed.

 Turns out Becky is not pregnant again (THANK GOD). She had posted on her Facebook that she was "16 weeks and craving". My mother in law called and was saying she didn't appreciate it, or think it was funny at all because there are people who are having a really hard time getting pregnant. It was as if she was flaunting that she can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Of course they laughed at her and told her "It was just a joke"

 Well I am not the least bit amused. I'm mad. Neither of her children have the same father, and everyone knows that she's no longer with her last baby daddy, so is she trying to make herself look like a slut? Is she gloating? It feels like she's gloating to me. "I can get pregnant anytime I want all I have to do is jump the nearest guy" that's what I feel like she's basically saying.

 I don't know why it makes me so mad, I know that when I finally get Pregnant, It will be the right way, not by a weekend hot fling, and I know I will be a good mother. I also know that GOD will fulfill his promise to make me a mother, so why do I feel so crappy?

 I hope I can forget about this soon. I have so much work to do on all these signatures, and I just can't concentrate on them when I'm so annoyed.