And it begins. . .

First post of my blog. I'm excited about it I'm hoping it will be both therapeutic for me and helpful to someone else. If in all of this I can be a blessing to just ONE person I'd be so very happy. with that said, I'm pretty good today, I feel optimistic! Yesterday I was feeling pretty bad telling myself that; "It won't happen...you'll be tormented by mother's day forever!" I was feeling sorry for myself, asking why me? and everything in between. Finally I decided to go take a warm bath and when I was in there I just closed my eyes and I talked to God. I told him I felt like he had abandoned me, but I knew he hadn't, I knew he was working for me even if I didn't see any progress.

 When I had finished this sentence my thoughts got interrupted by another thought (I know it came from GOD), I thought "Wait . . . I have seen progress! My cycles have been normal for almost a year!" I continued to talk to GOD until I had finally felt peace, knowing that we hadn't REALLY been trying to conceive the past 4 years, really if anything we had been hoping, praying and not preventing.

 I felt that we have only been TRYING for 1 month...yep, just 1. We just did everything wrong before, and I really feel confident that It's going to happen soon. I got a spiritual reading from a wonderful medium named Rebecca Foster.  Some may think that's wrong of me because I'm a Christian, but not all prophets or 'false prophets" and I'm not closed minded.

 Her reading was both reassuring and worried me at the same time. She said she saw that I may have an Auto-immune disease and that I should get checked for clotting disorders. I was really hoping that my Hypothyroidism was mild enough to not cause me problems, but to hear I may have other problems was scary. But, then she proceeded to tell me that she saw nothing that would keep me from carrying a child and that she thought I had a good chance of conceiving by October.

 This made me so happy! and it also went along with a message that GOD had given me one night I was praying. It was back in May and He made it known to me, that I would conceive by the end of this year or beginning of next year. I've struggled with this, wondering if it was really GOD or if it was me trying to make myself feel better. But I have to believe it was GOD.

 I really hope I do conceive before October, because James' cousin Thomas is getting married in October and I'm one of the bride's maids and so is James' Other cousin Candice, whom will be about 23 weeks pregnant by then.  I just don't know if I'm strong enough to be around her or face her if I'm not pregnant by then.

 As for where we stand now in TTC, I'm not sure honestly. I had about 2 days of watery CM and 1 day of EWCM so I thought we had covered all our bases, but now i'm not really sure, CM is so confusing.....

 I may or may not be about 3 DPO so we'll find out if I have any symptoms or anything.

NEVER GIVE UP!